Irritation at my stagnation

So, what I am really irked at myself about is the exercise thing. I want to do it but I am very sedentary. I get stuck in this push and pull thing that basically keeps me motionless for the most part. That bugs me. The problem is that I have no idea how to overcome this inertia.

Part of the problem is that my metabolism slowed way down once I started HRT. That is not an excuse but rather a fact. Because of this metabolism issue I have gotten corpulent, clocking back in at 250. The issues with my shoulder are a huge reason why a lot of exercise goes awry. If I walk for a long time or run it aches. This is a big issue as it severely limits my ability to do anything.

I am not sure what to do here. I have been thinking of charting things like time exercising and steps taken and weight but again, I am not sure if it will work. I feel stuck in Neutral and I can't seem to get into Drive. Maybe the Universe needs to give me some sort of kick in the ass. Or maybe it is, who knows. Fact is, I know lots of stuff but don't really use it. That has to stop. I know what to do so I should just fucking do it.

Great now I'm a Nike add, next I suppose I will say something about Be all you can be. How very Army. That doesn't make it a lie but it is an annoying bit of propaganda.

I just gotta fucking move and attack this weight issue aggressively. How bad could it get?

Irritation

Okay, for the last several weeks I have been not doing the program correctly, like I had lost interest in the Weight Watchers thing. I am aware that contrary to the way the program works, one meal can be 'free' within the first two days and then you work from there. Problem is that I have basically been taking the weekends off from the diet. Not a very helpful process when attempting something along these lines.

The other issue along these lines is that I have not been writing my food down or tracking my points. And lo and behold... I am gaining weight. So I am going to try to get back on to that as it kept me mindful of what I was eating and so I didn't eat too much. This whole thing really irritates me.

Granted I am aware that sacrifices need to be made in order to loose weight, but there are days I want to eat everything. I mean Friday I ate 3.5 grilled cheese sandwiches. That is a bit on the overkill side. Tasty, but overkill. And with things like that I am a mite surprised that I am gaining currently. Bah!

In terms of work... well, that has not been going well. I do have a possibility. A friend of mine in the Pants gave me the name of her company. They like to hire ex-Intel folk, like myself to work on various projects for the Military. That sounds tempting, especially as income is sexy. I will look things over, put together a resume and see what happens. It's just that resumes never really cover all of my skills nor how they interrelate. Makes me crazy.

Need to tinker with a few combat scenes to make sure they feel right and then I need to send off a letter to an agent. Scares me silly, but if I want to get paid I gotta play the game.

That's it for now as I got other things churning in me head...

Ugh...

Well, I finished Soldier Boy, which is most excellent. Now I can start hunting Agents. If it sells I can make this money I have heard so much about!

Uhm... haven't really been recording my eating this week so I am a bit afraid of what my weight is going to be. Recording the food and following the points really works well. I highly recommend it.

I cleaned part of the garage and then moved some rock and wood to frame the front garden. That was very sweaty work, so it was probably good for me.

So that's where today is.

Thanks,

Week in Review

Well, I gained a pound back this week, but that's not too bad. I ate horribly ad kept really poor track of my points and only regained 1 pound, so I can live with that. I need to do more exercise but that's about it. Other than the flooding in Nashville and the Voc Rehab happiness, everything is good.

Teh Suckage

So yesterday was a bad food day as I ate fast food and table of fire. I am certain I completely screwed up my points for the week but I couldn't care. There were other things going on.

I got my CPAP machine and that tried to kill me. Last night as was able to sleep with it on for a little bit and that was good. Maybe tonight I will be able to wear it longer still. If it fixes the whole sleeping issue then it will be utterly worth it. I just get Army flashbacks when I put it on, since the easiest way to do that is like putting on a gasmask. So that is a bit odd.

The other big change is on the job front. The VA basically reoppened my file and now I am completely eligible for Voc Rehab benefits again. The problem is that I have no idea what the hell I want to do. Even though I keep telling myself I really am not all that skilled, I am aware that I have a huge range of skills, talents and interests. This is not an easy choice.

I might... might... be able to get them to pay for an MFA. There are loads of other bits of training I can do as well. I am in freefall and unsure which chute I want to put on. Kind of dorky like that. Now if only I could come up with a decent plan for the work. It would be nice.

So I am wandering around in a daze from them allowing this as well as trying to figure out what to do. It is making me a bit crazy all things considered. Hell, the VA is even helping me get a job, at a new VA call center. It will be a GS job which means awesome benefits, decent pay and if I stay in the government I can retire with a good retirement package in something on the order of 14y 9m since my military time counts for that purpose. Weird hunh?

Gah

I have been stupid hungry today, wanting to eat all the food around me. This is making me crazy. I hope I get past this and can manage to not eat my way upward again.

Not too bad this week. No exercise but I did lose another pound, so I am 17 down from 265. I am okay with that. Now to actually do some exercise.