Day 8 in review

I am an idiot.

While I did things to keep the house clean not much else happened, until later when it was time for bowling. The first game I got maybe 43 or something with my left arm, which hurt because I was not used to it. The second game used my right arm and I got a 153, which I think is a personal best. A smart person would have stopped there, noting the growing tightness of the muscle. The third game was a 101, as around the middle of the game things started to get worse. The last two frames were pure misery. Naturally I didn't stop.

So now my arm hurts and I am annoyed. What an idiot.

Day 7 in review

Well, did a lot of house cleaning and the like. No editing as I am on a refill kick right now, putting other stories in and letting that help refuel my tank. When I can write again it will be nice.

I am hoping that I can get a job soon as the income would be lovely.

One of the things I know is holding me back is that even though I am upset over how my body looks, I am not really doing anything to change that. Getting motivated to do the exercises that I know will help is a pain in the ass and I really don't like it. I want to lose the weight but I can't seem to get my fat ass up and moving except on days where Jess-tossing is involved. This is really irritating me and I hope I can figure out a way around it.

Take care,

Day 6 in review

Well, today has been rather blah. I didn't get the Demand Studio job, barely did any writing, ate poorly but I did get sunglasses from the VA, so that is something. Oh... and had a kidney stone attack. Whee!

Here is hoping that I don't have to deal with that anymore.

Day 5 in review

So I did teach tai chi, even doing some, but my migraine hasn't gone away, so all day fun there. The fish for dinner was nice as well. Yum. I am also over 60% of the way through the final pass of the novel and that is going well. All in all, a pretty good day. Here is hoping that the headache passes.

Stepping out on the right foot

So I am doing better today. Granted I have had a migraine which has slowed me down but I have filled out an application online, worked on my resume, done some dishes, am planning on throwing Jess into things and the like. Not a bad start. Still a bit sick to my stomach from the migraine and tender headed, but that is basically par for the course.

I also found an article I can send out to Kenzer and Company so that I might actually might make some money. The last article I sent them got me almost 50 dollars, so another one might be nice to send off. I have heard good things about this money idea. It may actually catch on.

Since I have tinkered with my resume I can also apply for work at Demand Studios, a freelance writing place that mostly does articles. Cindy told me that they take a while to get to you, so here is hoping that it isn't that terribly long. You never know and it would also be income, paid weekly, which would again be lovely.

So there you go, that's what I have going on today, stuff covering most areas of concern, which is good. I might even manage some study and meditation if I can manage it.

Day 4 in review

Okay, So Sunday was a bad health day. I felt terrible, only did a little editing and most of the time was spent at a Whedonites United board meeting. Granted we did a lot of stuff, but it was a very long day. Some fairly decent food choices, but only some. No real exercise.

Day 3 in review

Well, I did a good bit more editing, which was nice and I made some better food choices. It is a start. No exercise and still hurting. Hopefully things start looking up in that department.

Day 2 in review

Well, the day really sucked. Couldn't go apply for a job, couldn't really exercise, slept a lot and ate more than I should. That's what I get for a seriously high pain day. Did get a little walking in, but not enough to really be worth it. Here's hoping that tomorrow is a good deal better.

Stumbling Block 1

So I am planning on going to apply for a job today, the only problem is that my right arm hurts so bad I can barely move. I am sucking down pain killers, have my TENS unit on and turned up, a heated shoulder wrap, pain management meditation, and my Beloved massaged that area with her sore muscle oil and then spooned me. The spooning is a Chinese Medical technique called Gua Sha. Good stuff. Despite all that the pain is still at nausea inducing levels.

Chronic Pain is such a stumbling block in so many things that it is kind of overwhelming. When it hits, your whole life stops and focuses on the pain because you have to. Pushing through high levels of Chronic Pain is not easy and in fact can cause some damage. Lower levels can be endured but high levels laugh at your attempts to thwart them. So all you can do is throw everything at them, and try to build up the area when the pain is gone.

Chronic Pain does burn calories, which is sort of helpful, as your body burns a lot of energy to deal with the pain and it can be exhausting. So you need to eat more to fight against it and your body tends to crave stuff that is bad for you, which is the opposite of help. But I am fricking starving right now.

Thing is, my Beloved, who is the most awesome wife ever, is making me breakfast. That will help. Whee!

Here's hoping that the pain fades enough to get out and apply for the job.

Day 1 in review

Well, not a bad start. I did editing on my novel Soldier Boy, I taught Tai Chi for an hour, I ate pretty well and with decent sized portions, all and all a fairly decent way to start this process.

As for the studying thing, I think I am going to work in 3 areas, Chinese, Environmental Studies and Cultural Anthropology. I have books for that, so Working through a chapter a week sounds possible.

The Beginning or why am I doing this

So here I am, stuck in a rut and I need some sort of way out. What I am stuck in is an internal landscape that basically makes me lazy and I have no real urge to do anything. Therefore, what I am proposing to myself is a Jihad.

Now, thanks to countless hours of CNN and other news sources, people know that a Jihad is a Holy War, where the believers kill the infidels. What they don’t say is that particular type of Jihad is a lesser Jihad and actually something that should only be done as a last resort. So it goes. The Greater Jihad is to submit yourself to the will of Allah, which is not easy as human beings are a bit… well… special in so many wonderful ways.

However, I am not a Muslim, but the idea behind the Greater Jihad, of submitting yourself to the will of something greater than yourself is noble. To that end, since my life is a touch screwed up, I figure I can try to use something along these lines to drive me forward. Therefore, what I need is a framework to keep track of progress.

The thing is, there isn’t a simple framework like a book of recipes or what not to work through step by step. What I could do is to go through some Buddhist texts, pull some stuff out, and see how that works. The problem there is I am not just a regular Buddhist, I am also a Taoist with very Pagan leanings. Therefore, I have a combination of things I hope to do from different areas of practice. I also have a list of 108 things I wanted to do in 1008 days. That list can help, but only so far.

Buddha says, “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.”

That is the core of my Jihad: To change how I think and live so that I can change the world.

So, what is a poor, screwed up, overweight, disabled, transgendered girl supposed to do? Well, I have a few ideas. The Eightfold Path has some good stuff and what I am planning on is to use the Eightfold Path and various Taoist and Pagan ideas to reshape my world into what I want it to be rather than what it is.

Things that have to change:

My weight: I am 260 and have terrible eating habits. My family has a history of Diabetes and Heart Disease, so that is problematic. I want to get to 150.

My health: I have a few issues to work through, such as kidney stones, migraines, a sleep disorder, depression, and most importantly, a messed up shoulder.

My job: I am unemployed and if it weren’t for my VA disability my family and I would really be suffering. I want to be a novelist but I am really afraid of being rejected.

My spiritual life: I wanted to join a PhD program at Vanderbilt University in the hopes of studying my way to a better sense of my faith.

My self-perception: I have trouble dealing with myself sometimes. There are things that go on in my head and desires I have that cause me some grief.

My brain: I am not really doing much in the way of thinking lately and that just has to change. I need to use that lump of grey matter for something.

My environment: I am not saying I live in the Pit of Despair or something, but I can do more to make my home more balanced and to lower our carbon footprint.

So I am going to do things like meditation, Tai Chi, Yoga, other forms of exercise, change my diet, fix several bad habits, work on my sellable stories, get an Agent, etc… . Basically, I’m going to go through various techniques to help me get things straightened out in my life. Once I am done with that then maybe, I can help the world.

Basic first tier goals:

Meditate 45+ minutes a day
Exercise 1 hour a day
Send out Agent letters
Edit Novels/ Write
Get to 234 (down 10%)
Keep house clean
Study
Do something other than read or write
Write Daily over what I have done

So those are the initial goals for this Jihad. The Goals will change as I move closer to the end, as the Greater Jihad is something that takes more than your whole life to complete. But I have things to shoot for and I have things to do and this can be a good start. Writing this might just give me more motivation than I have had before when trying these things.

Well, I guess that’s it. Here we go.