Still not sleeping well and having headaches. I am so tired of this already. A few times this has caused me to eat more than I needed to and that bugs me. I have been losing but it hasn't been going great. So it goes.
Anyway...
Wednesday 2 February 2011
Week 3
Start Weight: 255.2
Weigh in: 254.8 Total Loss: Wk .4
Points allowed: 38 Mo 0
Extra Points: 41 Overall 13.6
Exercise Points: 0
Measurements:
Bust 55.5 Panties: 9
Waist 49.75 Pants: 26
Hips 53 Top: 20
Arms 14.5 Bra 46 D
Thigh 27.5
Breakfast: 2 eggs 4 points
1 piece toast 1 points
1 c Irish Breakfast Tea 0 points
1 tsp Honey 1 point
Total 6 points
Points Left: 32
Lunch: Sandwich 4 points
Coffee 0 points
Sugar in the Raw (2 tsp) 0 points
Total 4 points
Points Left: 28
Dinner: Burger 10 points
Oven Fries 6 Points
Ice Cream 3 points
Total 19 points
Points Left: 9
Snack: Pear 0 points
Peanut Butter Sand 3 points
1 c Milk 4 points
Total 7 points
Points Left: 2
Exercise: Housework (10 min/ light) 1 points
Total + 1 points
Daily Total: 2
Extra Points Carry over: 41
Exercise Points Carry over: 1
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label health. Show all posts
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Friday, January 28, 2011
Finally Friday
What I thought was interesting yesterday was that with the hat and goggles on I was swimming a good bit faster and harder yesterday. It was kind of strange. Th upside was that the work out was fantastic and I was really getting winded. The downside was that I was pretty wrung out by the end of the time at the Y. True did some stretching in the other pool but it really was fairly exhausting. The hot tub and steam room were nice though.
I need to remember to do other things besides swim, but the fact is that I really like swimming. Having been on swim teams when I was younger probably has something to do with the fact that I really love doing laps. It is fun, at least to my addled brain. :)
Doing weights and walking or biking will help provide variety for the muscles, letting them grow stronger. Besides, if I want to be able to do a triathlon or a marathon then I need to get back to running and walking is the start of that. I have wanted to do that ever since I saw both the New York Marathon and the Ironman. Both races were pretty intense when I first saw them and that really grabbed me. I wanted to do them before I was 40 but since I was injured I kind of put that on the backburner. I am doing better now so I am hoping to be able to do both. Hell, even a half marathon would be fun at this point.
Several things kept me from working out after I got out of the military. One was the fact that I was no longer in the Military and it was a novel thing to be able to relax and do a lot of nothing. Then there was the fact that that my shoulder hurt like hell all the time. I hadn't gotten in with pain management at that time and I was always in pain. Add in a good sized heaping mound of depression and is it any wonder I was a slug? As things started to get better I focused on school work and on rebuilding a social life. That kept me busy and not thinking about the fact that HRT was making me gain weight.
I still have shoulder pain, but between massage and pain clinic it doesn't bother me as much. Not nearly as depressed as I was and I am tired of being fat. I gained about 110 pounds thanks to lethargy, HRT, bad habits and metabolism slowdown. I am trying to fix this but it will undoubtedly take a while. Everyday I succeed at this plan is another day closer to weighing something sane.
My goal is to weigh between 155 and 160. I want to lose all that stupid weight I put on because I want to do more things and be healthy. This is going to be as rough as transition but in slightly different ways. Here's hoping it works.
And finally the chart for yesterday:
Thursday 27 Jan 2011
Start Weight: 260.8
Weigh in: 256.2 Total Loss: Wk +.2
Points allowed: 38 Mo 4.8
Extra Points: 29 Overall 12.8
Exercise Points: 0
Measurements:
Bust 55.5 Panties: 9
Waist 49.75 Pants: 26
Hips 53 Top: 20
Arms 14.5 Bra 46 D
Thigh 27.5
Breakfast: toast 1 point
Cheese 3 points
Tea 0 points
1 tsp honey 1 points
Total 5 points
Points Left: 33
Lunch: Mediterranean Rollini 9 points
Fruit 0 points
Salad 0 points
Hardboiled egg 2 points
¼ Cottage Cheese 3 points
Sunflower seeds (1 TBSP) 1 points
Balsamic Vinaigrette 2 points
Cindy’s salad 2 points
Total 19 points
Points Left: 14
Dinner: Steak 4 points
New Potatoes ½ cup 1 points
Roasted Veg 0 points
Olive Oil 2 points
Total 7 points
Points Left: 7
Snack: 1c Choc Milk 4 points
Total 4 points
Points Left: 3
Exercise: 30 min swimming, breaststroke 10 points
Total + 10 points
Daily Total: 3
Extra Points Carry over: 29
Exercise Points Carry over: 10
I need to remember to do other things besides swim, but the fact is that I really like swimming. Having been on swim teams when I was younger probably has something to do with the fact that I really love doing laps. It is fun, at least to my addled brain. :)
Doing weights and walking or biking will help provide variety for the muscles, letting them grow stronger. Besides, if I want to be able to do a triathlon or a marathon then I need to get back to running and walking is the start of that. I have wanted to do that ever since I saw both the New York Marathon and the Ironman. Both races were pretty intense when I first saw them and that really grabbed me. I wanted to do them before I was 40 but since I was injured I kind of put that on the backburner. I am doing better now so I am hoping to be able to do both. Hell, even a half marathon would be fun at this point.
Several things kept me from working out after I got out of the military. One was the fact that I was no longer in the Military and it was a novel thing to be able to relax and do a lot of nothing. Then there was the fact that that my shoulder hurt like hell all the time. I hadn't gotten in with pain management at that time and I was always in pain. Add in a good sized heaping mound of depression and is it any wonder I was a slug? As things started to get better I focused on school work and on rebuilding a social life. That kept me busy and not thinking about the fact that HRT was making me gain weight.
I still have shoulder pain, but between massage and pain clinic it doesn't bother me as much. Not nearly as depressed as I was and I am tired of being fat. I gained about 110 pounds thanks to lethargy, HRT, bad habits and metabolism slowdown. I am trying to fix this but it will undoubtedly take a while. Everyday I succeed at this plan is another day closer to weighing something sane.
My goal is to weigh between 155 and 160. I want to lose all that stupid weight I put on because I want to do more things and be healthy. This is going to be as rough as transition but in slightly different ways. Here's hoping it works.
And finally the chart for yesterday:
Thursday 27 Jan 2011
Start Weight: 260.8
Weigh in: 256.2 Total Loss: Wk +.2
Points allowed: 38 Mo 4.8
Extra Points: 29 Overall 12.8
Exercise Points: 0
Measurements:
Bust 55.5 Panties: 9
Waist 49.75 Pants: 26
Hips 53 Top: 20
Arms 14.5 Bra 46 D
Thigh 27.5
Breakfast: toast 1 point
Cheese 3 points
Tea 0 points
1 tsp honey 1 points
Total 5 points
Points Left: 33
Lunch: Mediterranean Rollini 9 points
Fruit 0 points
Salad 0 points
Hardboiled egg 2 points
¼ Cottage Cheese 3 points
Sunflower seeds (1 TBSP) 1 points
Balsamic Vinaigrette 2 points
Cindy’s salad 2 points
Total 19 points
Points Left: 14
Dinner: Steak 4 points
New Potatoes ½ cup 1 points
Roasted Veg 0 points
Olive Oil 2 points
Total 7 points
Points Left: 7
Snack: 1c Choc Milk 4 points
Total 4 points
Points Left: 3
Exercise: 30 min swimming, breaststroke 10 points
Total + 10 points
Daily Total: 3
Extra Points Carry over: 29
Exercise Points Carry over: 10
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Another Day
Here is yesterday's chart. Today is not starting out well. I got up early to go do something and mad lunch for myself. It was a can of Chef Boyarde Beef Ravioli, 12 points. Since then I have been pretty sick. I am not a fan of that. I am overly cold and my stomach is really jumpy.
Yesterdays house cleaning was good. The living room and our bedroom look pretty good and have plenty of legroom in them, which is nice. Kicking things when walking is not optimal. It is definitely helping with the Feng Shui.
Moon wasn't too bad. Talked about the need to reflect and look forward, both as individuals and the group. I think there needs to be a change but I am not sure what. Too many of our rituals are cookie cutter and thus have less soul. I am not down with that. There is something I need that I am not completely getting and thus things need to change. Part of it, I think, is the fact that I haven't done a blessing way in a while. That might help. I also probably need to do more meditation.
I have some more job leads which I am going to send off. One is with the VA med center here in Murfreesboro and the other is in Nashville with the American Cancer society. Either would be nice, because I totally need a job. The no income thing has gotten old. We are surviving but that isn't the same as living.
I need to get my act together this week and send out to another agent. There are a lot out there and hopefully I will find one. Not having Transitioning Home sold makes me feel like I am in some literary limbo. That is not a good place to be. It is a good story but it needs to see the light of day. I guess persistence pays off as in everything.
Anyway... here is yesterday's chart.
Saturday 22 Jan 2011
Start Weight: 260.8
Weigh in: 256.4 Total Loss: Wk 4.4
Points allowed: 39 Mo 4.4
Extra Points: 37 Overall 4.4
Exercise Points: 11
Measurements:
Bust 55.5 Panties: 9
Waist 49.75 Pants: 26
Hips 53 Top: 20
Arms 14.5 Bra 46 D
Thigh 27.5
Breakfast: Chocolate Milk 4 points
Total 4 points
Points Left: 35
Lunch: Chicken 3 points
½ cup mashed potatoes 3 points
Total 6 points
Points Left: 29
Dinner: Cheeseburger 9 points
Fries 6 points
Total 15 points
Points Left: 14
Snack: PB&J 8 points
Milk 3 points
Total 11 points
Points Left: 3
Exercise: House Cleaning 1 points
Total + 1 points
Daily Total: 3
Extra Points Carry over: 39
Exercise Points Carry over: 1
Yesterdays house cleaning was good. The living room and our bedroom look pretty good and have plenty of legroom in them, which is nice. Kicking things when walking is not optimal. It is definitely helping with the Feng Shui.
Moon wasn't too bad. Talked about the need to reflect and look forward, both as individuals and the group. I think there needs to be a change but I am not sure what. Too many of our rituals are cookie cutter and thus have less soul. I am not down with that. There is something I need that I am not completely getting and thus things need to change. Part of it, I think, is the fact that I haven't done a blessing way in a while. That might help. I also probably need to do more meditation.
I have some more job leads which I am going to send off. One is with the VA med center here in Murfreesboro and the other is in Nashville with the American Cancer society. Either would be nice, because I totally need a job. The no income thing has gotten old. We are surviving but that isn't the same as living.
I need to get my act together this week and send out to another agent. There are a lot out there and hopefully I will find one. Not having Transitioning Home sold makes me feel like I am in some literary limbo. That is not a good place to be. It is a good story but it needs to see the light of day. I guess persistence pays off as in everything.
Anyway... here is yesterday's chart.
Saturday 22 Jan 2011
Start Weight: 260.8
Weigh in: 256.4 Total Loss: Wk 4.4
Points allowed: 39 Mo 4.4
Extra Points: 37 Overall 4.4
Exercise Points: 11
Measurements:
Bust 55.5 Panties: 9
Waist 49.75 Pants: 26
Hips 53 Top: 20
Arms 14.5 Bra 46 D
Thigh 27.5
Breakfast: Chocolate Milk 4 points
Total 4 points
Points Left: 35
Lunch: Chicken 3 points
½ cup mashed potatoes 3 points
Total 6 points
Points Left: 29
Dinner: Cheeseburger 9 points
Fries 6 points
Total 15 points
Points Left: 14
Snack: PB&J 8 points
Milk 3 points
Total 11 points
Points Left: 3
Exercise: House Cleaning 1 points
Total + 1 points
Daily Total: 3
Extra Points Carry over: 39
Exercise Points Carry over: 1
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Wow... over a month with nothing... sorry all five of my diligent readers. ;)
Anyway, news. Have started swimming again, which is a great goodness. Life has been on the crazy side so getting back to something I do honestly love is a good thing.
The House is being dealt with and no more trips up and back necessary for quite a while, which is good. We have to sell the place, but that can be dealt with fairly easily and with little stress. So, go us. That is a lot less stress than before and it has been a godsend.
I am on a new VA program called Telehealth. I have a little box hooked up to a scale and my computer. I basically weigh in a lot and do stuff daily on it. I think the idea is to keep it focused in your mind that you want to lose weight. Not a bad plan and it is worth a shot. I have lost some, as I was up to 267-268 and now am back to 261. That is a lot better for my mental health to see I am losing.
No news on the job front, which is depressing. I need to expand my search for work and then hopefully get a job that I can do and that I can get benefits from, so my family has coverage. That will be very nice.
On the writing front I have a new story that I think is very marketable. There is a lot of energy to it and the weird energy feelings I have had seem to be connected to it. The idea is pretty cool and seems to have loads of potential. I am looking forward to getting it done. Right now I am trying to finish 300 Rains.
I have not heard back from that one agent I sent something to nor have I heard back from Hillary's agent. So it goes.
That's it basically, my life in a nutshell.
Glad to be back.
Anyway, news. Have started swimming again, which is a great goodness. Life has been on the crazy side so getting back to something I do honestly love is a good thing.
The House is being dealt with and no more trips up and back necessary for quite a while, which is good. We have to sell the place, but that can be dealt with fairly easily and with little stress. So, go us. That is a lot less stress than before and it has been a godsend.
I am on a new VA program called Telehealth. I have a little box hooked up to a scale and my computer. I basically weigh in a lot and do stuff daily on it. I think the idea is to keep it focused in your mind that you want to lose weight. Not a bad plan and it is worth a shot. I have lost some, as I was up to 267-268 and now am back to 261. That is a lot better for my mental health to see I am losing.
No news on the job front, which is depressing. I need to expand my search for work and then hopefully get a job that I can do and that I can get benefits from, so my family has coverage. That will be very nice.
On the writing front I have a new story that I think is very marketable. There is a lot of energy to it and the weird energy feelings I have had seem to be connected to it. The idea is pretty cool and seems to have loads of potential. I am looking forward to getting it done. Right now I am trying to finish 300 Rains.
I have not heard back from that one agent I sent something to nor have I heard back from Hillary's agent. So it goes.
That's it basically, my life in a nutshell.
Glad to be back.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Update
Swam the other day, and that felt nice but lately it has been more work at the house in Gallatin than anything else. This of course means our diet is pretty screwed up as well. We really need to fix this as I am more than tired about weighing about 260. I want our life to settle down enough so that we will be able to get in better shape. After the first yard sale there was a lull and that was good, but now... We can do this, but our sore bodies and exhaustion are making it far more difficult. I want to get healthy and we aren't there yet.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Life is continuing on it's crazy way. So nothing new there.
I had the most useless KT appointment ever where the woman simply told me things I already knew and didn't give me any advice on how to modify exercises to compensate for my bad shoulder. Cindy and I are heading off to the Y to get back into the place and work on going there everyday for a workout. That will doubtless help and I am looking forward to swimming and the hot tub. Like for real.
My ankle still hurts but now we know that it has some sort of soft tissue damage to it. Apparently the fact that I have rested it, iced it, etc... does not matter, as that was the advice given to me by the nurse. I need an actual solution to this problem and not just telling me things I already know.
In terms of work, I sent in a query letter to a literary agency. Here's hoping that they are interested in Transitioning Home and decide that they can sell it. I would appreciate that a good deal, as income is sexy. Besides, I want to start on the whole making money from my writing thing and have that as my primary form of employment. So I at least took a first step.
Spiritually I am in a kind of ambivalent place. I am feeling a really interesting tug of war internally between utterly embracing what my spirit is doing on one hand and sort of remaining in this world on the other. I am wanting a place of balance between them but that is getting harder to find. Maslow's Hierarchy of needs is pretty accurate since I am so worried about mundane stuff that my faith is in fifth place or further back. So that is definitely going to take some work as situations permit.
So, there you go.
I had the most useless KT appointment ever where the woman simply told me things I already knew and didn't give me any advice on how to modify exercises to compensate for my bad shoulder. Cindy and I are heading off to the Y to get back into the place and work on going there everyday for a workout. That will doubtless help and I am looking forward to swimming and the hot tub. Like for real.
My ankle still hurts but now we know that it has some sort of soft tissue damage to it. Apparently the fact that I have rested it, iced it, etc... does not matter, as that was the advice given to me by the nurse. I need an actual solution to this problem and not just telling me things I already know.
In terms of work, I sent in a query letter to a literary agency. Here's hoping that they are interested in Transitioning Home and decide that they can sell it. I would appreciate that a good deal, as income is sexy. Besides, I want to start on the whole making money from my writing thing and have that as my primary form of employment. So I at least took a first step.
Spiritually I am in a kind of ambivalent place. I am feeling a really interesting tug of war internally between utterly embracing what my spirit is doing on one hand and sort of remaining in this world on the other. I am wanting a place of balance between them but that is getting harder to find. Maslow's Hierarchy of needs is pretty accurate since I am so worried about mundane stuff that my faith is in fifth place or further back. So that is definitely going to take some work as situations permit.
So, there you go.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Update and musing on Portion Porblems
Well, Whedonfest is over and now time to get back into the serious work of trying to fix issues in my life.
Lets see... the Job fair gave me some interesting options as well as show me a MA program that sounds interesting and a good use of my skills. So there is some hope on the job front.
Ankle still hurts, so a lot of good exercise options are out. I need to get that looked at but the MRI isn't until 21 Aug and that means it isn't until probably September that something will be done about that. Totally fucking sucks. Maybe I just need to ignore the VA and treat this myself? It is worth considering.
My faith is going well, but I really should meditate more. I feel better after doing it so there really isn't a reason that I am not meditating except for the fact that my depression is making me want to hide from the world rather than deal with it. Gotta get over that crap.
House is semi trashed, but duh... Whedonfest. It did really well this year, but we do need to catch up on making the home environment serene...
So there you have that update. Now onto the other stuff.
Okay, so I am at 261 right now and that is disturbing. I hate this craziness that’s going on with my weight. It is really bothering me, especially because it isn’t like I eat badly. I like vegetables and salads, and all sorts of good for you food. Hell eating just chicken or fish would not be a huge hardship. The problem for me seems to be portion control. I don’t eat a lot of deserts or empty calories but I eat a lot of normal food.
I like food and truly enjoy eating excellent food. I am not sure as to why I seem to be more focused on eating larger amounts of food than I should but I need it to stop. I suppose I should get to weighing and measuring all of my food, so I only eat single portions and the like, but I am worried that I will fail. I guess that is a common worry for most anyone doing any weight loss plan. I just don’t seem to have a good idea in my head as to what exactly good portion sizes are. I know the pack of cards and those other measures but in a lot of ways that doesn’t really seem to help me. I guess I need to hunt that all down again and start seriously following it.
The other issue tied into this is that I seem to be the one in my family that ‘finishes’ food, thus getting extra. I have a difficult time turning down food or not completing my meals. Part of it has to do with the fact that my mother constantly talked about eating her monies worth. Paying for food and then not eating ALL of it really bugged her. She talked about that wasting money, which it is, but the message I took was not avoid over ordering but rather eat everything and then some, so there is a good value for your money spent.
Growing up, my mom loved taking my brother Brian and my best friend Tony out to all you could eat places. The joke about ‘You here four hour. You scare my wife.’ seemed to be very true in relation to our meals. Granted teenaged boys really burn calories but my mom did get a smug satisfaction when we would go someplace like Chesapeake Seafood House and eat all their food. The place stopped having an all you can eat night after we went there for the third time and ate for something like two + hours. It was obscene. But my mom considered it a great value.
I love getting the all you can eat sushi at Cathay and Cindy and I actually sit back and calculate the value of what I have eaten versus the value of what we paid. My personal best was a little over 60 dollars of sushi for 14 dollars. That is a lot of sushi. Now I don’t feel so bad about that, as sushi is not really that bad for you and that much sushi didn’t blow my weight watchers points for the day. But it does let me know that I have developed a similar mindset.
I have been proud lately of actually eating my meal and leaving food, especially eating out. Part of that is the ever increasing size of portions and the other bit is that I recognize that I DO NOT need to eat everything on my plate, that getting full is a great stopping point. I don’t like feeling bloated and way over fed. I get really food coma-ish and that is not comfortable.
Places I really enjoy the all you can eat thing and it not be a problem is at Ruby Tuesday. I can eat huge amounts of salad and be fine. The only bad things I eat there are the cottage cheese and maybe pickled beets. I really don’t put too much extra cheese on the salads as well. So that is not too bad, but otherwise, I really do eat a hell of a lot, volume wise. I need to eat less volume and I am sure that alone will have a major impact on my weight. Maybe even reducing the bad cards and sticking with the complex carbs the body needs. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like nothing but a hog, stuffing itself for market and that isn’t good for anyone.
I hate this shit.
So I am going to try and reduce my portion sizes. That will hopefully help. Add in eating better and that can hopefully really help my weight. I have a lot of hopefuls here and those are never guarantees, but you gotta try. I don’t want gastric bypass, but if I can’t do this and I keep gaining then it might be the only decent option I have available. Man that sucks. Effort first then surgery… The fact that I am even considering it distresses me but I am aware that I don’t want to heat into the upper twos or the threes and low fours that Brian got to. What a crap time to realize that HRT probably shifted my metabolism closer to my mom, sisters and brothers. So it goes.
Any way, here’s hoping that I can make this work.
Lets see... the Job fair gave me some interesting options as well as show me a MA program that sounds interesting and a good use of my skills. So there is some hope on the job front.
Ankle still hurts, so a lot of good exercise options are out. I need to get that looked at but the MRI isn't until 21 Aug and that means it isn't until probably September that something will be done about that. Totally fucking sucks. Maybe I just need to ignore the VA and treat this myself? It is worth considering.
My faith is going well, but I really should meditate more. I feel better after doing it so there really isn't a reason that I am not meditating except for the fact that my depression is making me want to hide from the world rather than deal with it. Gotta get over that crap.
House is semi trashed, but duh... Whedonfest. It did really well this year, but we do need to catch up on making the home environment serene...
So there you have that update. Now onto the other stuff.
Okay, so I am at 261 right now and that is disturbing. I hate this craziness that’s going on with my weight. It is really bothering me, especially because it isn’t like I eat badly. I like vegetables and salads, and all sorts of good for you food. Hell eating just chicken or fish would not be a huge hardship. The problem for me seems to be portion control. I don’t eat a lot of deserts or empty calories but I eat a lot of normal food.
I like food and truly enjoy eating excellent food. I am not sure as to why I seem to be more focused on eating larger amounts of food than I should but I need it to stop. I suppose I should get to weighing and measuring all of my food, so I only eat single portions and the like, but I am worried that I will fail. I guess that is a common worry for most anyone doing any weight loss plan. I just don’t seem to have a good idea in my head as to what exactly good portion sizes are. I know the pack of cards and those other measures but in a lot of ways that doesn’t really seem to help me. I guess I need to hunt that all down again and start seriously following it.
The other issue tied into this is that I seem to be the one in my family that ‘finishes’ food, thus getting extra. I have a difficult time turning down food or not completing my meals. Part of it has to do with the fact that my mother constantly talked about eating her monies worth. Paying for food and then not eating ALL of it really bugged her. She talked about that wasting money, which it is, but the message I took was not avoid over ordering but rather eat everything and then some, so there is a good value for your money spent.
Growing up, my mom loved taking my brother Brian and my best friend Tony out to all you could eat places. The joke about ‘You here four hour. You scare my wife.’ seemed to be very true in relation to our meals. Granted teenaged boys really burn calories but my mom did get a smug satisfaction when we would go someplace like Chesapeake Seafood House and eat all their food. The place stopped having an all you can eat night after we went there for the third time and ate for something like two + hours. It was obscene. But my mom considered it a great value.
I love getting the all you can eat sushi at Cathay and Cindy and I actually sit back and calculate the value of what I have eaten versus the value of what we paid. My personal best was a little over 60 dollars of sushi for 14 dollars. That is a lot of sushi. Now I don’t feel so bad about that, as sushi is not really that bad for you and that much sushi didn’t blow my weight watchers points for the day. But it does let me know that I have developed a similar mindset.
I have been proud lately of actually eating my meal and leaving food, especially eating out. Part of that is the ever increasing size of portions and the other bit is that I recognize that I DO NOT need to eat everything on my plate, that getting full is a great stopping point. I don’t like feeling bloated and way over fed. I get really food coma-ish and that is not comfortable.
Places I really enjoy the all you can eat thing and it not be a problem is at Ruby Tuesday. I can eat huge amounts of salad and be fine. The only bad things I eat there are the cottage cheese and maybe pickled beets. I really don’t put too much extra cheese on the salads as well. So that is not too bad, but otherwise, I really do eat a hell of a lot, volume wise. I need to eat less volume and I am sure that alone will have a major impact on my weight. Maybe even reducing the bad cards and sticking with the complex carbs the body needs. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like nothing but a hog, stuffing itself for market and that isn’t good for anyone.
I hate this shit.
So I am going to try and reduce my portion sizes. That will hopefully help. Add in eating better and that can hopefully really help my weight. I have a lot of hopefuls here and those are never guarantees, but you gotta try. I don’t want gastric bypass, but if I can’t do this and I keep gaining then it might be the only decent option I have available. Man that sucks. Effort first then surgery… The fact that I am even considering it distresses me but I am aware that I don’t want to heat into the upper twos or the threes and low fours that Brian got to. What a crap time to realize that HRT probably shifted my metabolism closer to my mom, sisters and brothers. So it goes.
Any way, here’s hoping that I can make this work.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Recent Developments
Well, Whedonfest is almost here. That is basically the all consuming thing for this next week. I am already tired and we haven't actually got started. Not an overly good sign.
In addition to Dealing with our house, dealing with Cindy's Mom's House, and dealing with getting things ready for Whedonfest I also have the Thursday from hell. Thursday I am going to a job fair that is just for vets. So I have to print out resumes and trek around the place, dropping them off and making an impression while I do so. That can't hurt in the job scene as I have heard tell that income is sexy. So, that should be fun. Also that day I have a follow up interview with the Voc Rehab people where I may officially hear back from them on the whole school thing. I have no idea what is going to come out of that, but either work or school will be helpful, since they would pay me a stipend. Thing is, as far as I can tell, the soonest I can start school is in January, which doesn't help much.
As for the DoJ job I am hoping for. I am going to email Magda's friend, as she offered to look into the job thing for me. I am not going to turn that down, that's for sure. I think it might be a helpful thing, but again I don't know. Man I want that job.
Diet is fuxored, as we are living the transient life, going back and forth between Gallatin and here. And the ankle is still problematic. I still have 20 days until the MRI is done and so I am looking at at least another month without my ankle getting much in the way of better, or at least knowing what is going on with it. Part of me wants to say fuck it and drive on, but the fact that yesterday both of my ankles hurt so bad I couldn't really stand without being in great pain. That massively sucked and I want this crap to stop. I want to be able to exercise, so I can loose this damnable weight. I am trying to adjust my eating habits but that is not terribly easy. There is so much unconscious thought going into food choices that it is a bit scary.
So there you have it, what has been going on recently.
In addition to Dealing with our house, dealing with Cindy's Mom's House, and dealing with getting things ready for Whedonfest I also have the Thursday from hell. Thursday I am going to a job fair that is just for vets. So I have to print out resumes and trek around the place, dropping them off and making an impression while I do so. That can't hurt in the job scene as I have heard tell that income is sexy. So, that should be fun. Also that day I have a follow up interview with the Voc Rehab people where I may officially hear back from them on the whole school thing. I have no idea what is going to come out of that, but either work or school will be helpful, since they would pay me a stipend. Thing is, as far as I can tell, the soonest I can start school is in January, which doesn't help much.
As for the DoJ job I am hoping for. I am going to email Magda's friend, as she offered to look into the job thing for me. I am not going to turn that down, that's for sure. I think it might be a helpful thing, but again I don't know. Man I want that job.
Diet is fuxored, as we are living the transient life, going back and forth between Gallatin and here. And the ankle is still problematic. I still have 20 days until the MRI is done and so I am looking at at least another month without my ankle getting much in the way of better, or at least knowing what is going on with it. Part of me wants to say fuck it and drive on, but the fact that yesterday both of my ankles hurt so bad I couldn't really stand without being in great pain. That massively sucked and I want this crap to stop. I want to be able to exercise, so I can loose this damnable weight. I am trying to adjust my eating habits but that is not terribly easy. There is so much unconscious thought going into food choices that it is a bit scary.
So there you have it, what has been going on recently.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Teh Suckage
So yesterday was a bad food day as I ate fast food and table of fire. I am certain I completely screwed up my points for the week but I couldn't care. There were other things going on.
I got my CPAP machine and that tried to kill me. Last night as was able to sleep with it on for a little bit and that was good. Maybe tonight I will be able to wear it longer still. If it fixes the whole sleeping issue then it will be utterly worth it. I just get Army flashbacks when I put it on, since the easiest way to do that is like putting on a gasmask. So that is a bit odd.
The other big change is on the job front. The VA basically reoppened my file and now I am completely eligible for Voc Rehab benefits again. The problem is that I have no idea what the hell I want to do. Even though I keep telling myself I really am not all that skilled, I am aware that I have a huge range of skills, talents and interests. This is not an easy choice.
I might... might... be able to get them to pay for an MFA. There are loads of other bits of training I can do as well. I am in freefall and unsure which chute I want to put on. Kind of dorky like that. Now if only I could come up with a decent plan for the work. It would be nice.
So I am wandering around in a daze from them allowing this as well as trying to figure out what to do. It is making me a bit crazy all things considered. Hell, the VA is even helping me get a job, at a new VA call center. It will be a GS job which means awesome benefits, decent pay and if I stay in the government I can retire with a good retirement package in something on the order of 14y 9m since my military time counts for that purpose. Weird hunh?
I got my CPAP machine and that tried to kill me. Last night as was able to sleep with it on for a little bit and that was good. Maybe tonight I will be able to wear it longer still. If it fixes the whole sleeping issue then it will be utterly worth it. I just get Army flashbacks when I put it on, since the easiest way to do that is like putting on a gasmask. So that is a bit odd.
The other big change is on the job front. The VA basically reoppened my file and now I am completely eligible for Voc Rehab benefits again. The problem is that I have no idea what the hell I want to do. Even though I keep telling myself I really am not all that skilled, I am aware that I have a huge range of skills, talents and interests. This is not an easy choice.
I might... might... be able to get them to pay for an MFA. There are loads of other bits of training I can do as well. I am in freefall and unsure which chute I want to put on. Kind of dorky like that. Now if only I could come up with a decent plan for the work. It would be nice.
So I am wandering around in a daze from them allowing this as well as trying to figure out what to do. It is making me a bit crazy all things considered. Hell, the VA is even helping me get a job, at a new VA call center. It will be a GS job which means awesome benefits, decent pay and if I stay in the government I can retire with a good retirement package in something on the order of 14y 9m since my military time counts for that purpose. Weird hunh?
Thursday, April 1, 2010
The day of suck
The Weight Watchers is still going well and I made a lovely discovery... 2 pieces of sushi are 1 point. So I can go to the all you can eat place and eat all I can. I like that idea. Can't have too many rolls as they are higher in points but just straight sushi is pretty cheap. Big fan there.
Today has sucked because I have been sick all day, having vomited earlier. This is not a good thing and I am hoping that I can eat more later. The Chicken Noodle soup I had is not sitting well, so maybe I can't eat today... bleach.
Today has sucked because I have been sick all day, having vomited earlier. This is not a good thing and I am hoping that I can eat more later. The Chicken Noodle soup I had is not sitting well, so maybe I can't eat today... bleach.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Today was made of fail
Since I spent a good chunk of hours in an ER today due to a massive migraine, I decided that I was going to say to hell with points and just eat. Purely for medicinal purposes only.
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Problem with Weight Loss
Okay, so what is going on with me and weight loss? I can’t seem to get motivated to begin and keep going. It isn’t like weight loss is all that mysterious or strange, eating better, healthier and exercising. This isn’t rocket science but I really don’t seem to driven to change. Why?
I figure part of the problem is my self-perception. For the longest time I hated myself and hated my body, thanks to the trans thing. I still have issues with my body, at least one part and that does keep some of those feelings lingering, like my body isn’t worth the effort to keep healthy and to lose weight. This is of course amazingly stupid but who ever said the psyche ever made any sense. It isn’t my body’s fault that I was born male nor is it my body’s fault that I am mentally female. Things just sort of worked out that way.
Honestly, I should take care of my body now that I am a good way down the path of transition. My body is starting to match myself finally and I shouldn’t let one small body part derail all the other good things have happened. Hopefully I can get past that as being healthy can make surgery easier on my body and will make healing from that easier.
As for exercise… well, I know lots of exercise knowledge. I have done lots of martial arts, PT in the Army and having been on a crosscountry team and a swim team. I know what to do and my body remembers doing those exercises, I just have to do them. Doing stretching, a little Yoga, basic calisthenics, and Tai Chi would be a good start along with walking. I want to get back to swimming as I enjoy it a great deal and it is a great full body exercise. As I lose weight, I can move into more vigorous exercise and martial arts. That will be nice as I really do miss doing more of that.
As for food… well, I like to eat. Food is a great goodness and my wife is a hell of a cook. I think my biggest issue there is the amount I eat. I do eat several portions at the same time, especially in things I like, which is honestly most things. Portion control is more of my issue than what I eat. I am not really a big dessert eater so that isn’t where I am getting the influx of calories. But eating a bit smarter might help with the weight loss thing as well, especially if I can actually eat more vegetables and fruits. Actually, I am certain I don’t eat enough fruit so that should probably change.
I am rather partial to the meditrasian diet, as a lot of my favorite foods come from those regions. Sticking with whole grain pasta and maybe more brown rice would help a bit more and I actually like both. Maybe trying some of the Asian noodle variations like buckwheat pasta and the like would be good as well. I don’t know. The wife and I need to talk about that. Eating more fish would be good as well and less red meat. I mean, sure, steak every once in a while, but I do like chicken and fish a lot, with some meals being basically vegetarian. Gotta try something at this point.
I am just hoping that I can actually keep focus in this. I know that most any food is okay in the right portions and such, but I am worried about sticking to that. I am hoping that this works out for a change and that I can actually get past this. I hate being this weight, but I guess it does serve me right. I was pretty smug about being thin when my mother and brother and sister were all obese. Now, both my brother and sister are lighter than me, which is freaky. I have no idea if my mother has lost any weight, but I kind of doubt it. So, if that is a part of this, guys I am sorry for feeling that way about you. It was unkind and uncalled for.
Well, I hope that things can start to change starting Wednesday. If we can get the damn shopping list together and such, maybe. I just am tired of being fat. Ever since I started HRT I have swelled nearly non-stop. This is just sad.
Any way… you have to start somewhere… right?
I figure part of the problem is my self-perception. For the longest time I hated myself and hated my body, thanks to the trans thing. I still have issues with my body, at least one part and that does keep some of those feelings lingering, like my body isn’t worth the effort to keep healthy and to lose weight. This is of course amazingly stupid but who ever said the psyche ever made any sense. It isn’t my body’s fault that I was born male nor is it my body’s fault that I am mentally female. Things just sort of worked out that way.
Honestly, I should take care of my body now that I am a good way down the path of transition. My body is starting to match myself finally and I shouldn’t let one small body part derail all the other good things have happened. Hopefully I can get past that as being healthy can make surgery easier on my body and will make healing from that easier.
As for exercise… well, I know lots of exercise knowledge. I have done lots of martial arts, PT in the Army and having been on a crosscountry team and a swim team. I know what to do and my body remembers doing those exercises, I just have to do them. Doing stretching, a little Yoga, basic calisthenics, and Tai Chi would be a good start along with walking. I want to get back to swimming as I enjoy it a great deal and it is a great full body exercise. As I lose weight, I can move into more vigorous exercise and martial arts. That will be nice as I really do miss doing more of that.
As for food… well, I like to eat. Food is a great goodness and my wife is a hell of a cook. I think my biggest issue there is the amount I eat. I do eat several portions at the same time, especially in things I like, which is honestly most things. Portion control is more of my issue than what I eat. I am not really a big dessert eater so that isn’t where I am getting the influx of calories. But eating a bit smarter might help with the weight loss thing as well, especially if I can actually eat more vegetables and fruits. Actually, I am certain I don’t eat enough fruit so that should probably change.
I am rather partial to the meditrasian diet, as a lot of my favorite foods come from those regions. Sticking with whole grain pasta and maybe more brown rice would help a bit more and I actually like both. Maybe trying some of the Asian noodle variations like buckwheat pasta and the like would be good as well. I don’t know. The wife and I need to talk about that. Eating more fish would be good as well and less red meat. I mean, sure, steak every once in a while, but I do like chicken and fish a lot, with some meals being basically vegetarian. Gotta try something at this point.
I am just hoping that I can actually keep focus in this. I know that most any food is okay in the right portions and such, but I am worried about sticking to that. I am hoping that this works out for a change and that I can actually get past this. I hate being this weight, but I guess it does serve me right. I was pretty smug about being thin when my mother and brother and sister were all obese. Now, both my brother and sister are lighter than me, which is freaky. I have no idea if my mother has lost any weight, but I kind of doubt it. So, if that is a part of this, guys I am sorry for feeling that way about you. It was unkind and uncalled for.
Well, I hope that things can start to change starting Wednesday. If we can get the damn shopping list together and such, maybe. I just am tired of being fat. Ever since I started HRT I have swelled nearly non-stop. This is just sad.
Any way… you have to start somewhere… right?
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