What I thought was interesting yesterday was that with the hat and goggles on I was swimming a good bit faster and harder yesterday. It was kind of strange. Th upside was that the work out was fantastic and I was really getting winded. The downside was that I was pretty wrung out by the end of the time at the Y. True did some stretching in the other pool but it really was fairly exhausting. The hot tub and steam room were nice though.
I need to remember to do other things besides swim, but the fact is that I really like swimming. Having been on swim teams when I was younger probably has something to do with the fact that I really love doing laps. It is fun, at least to my addled brain. :)
Doing weights and walking or biking will help provide variety for the muscles, letting them grow stronger. Besides, if I want to be able to do a triathlon or a marathon then I need to get back to running and walking is the start of that. I have wanted to do that ever since I saw both the New York Marathon and the Ironman. Both races were pretty intense when I first saw them and that really grabbed me. I wanted to do them before I was 40 but since I was injured I kind of put that on the backburner. I am doing better now so I am hoping to be able to do both. Hell, even a half marathon would be fun at this point.
Several things kept me from working out after I got out of the military. One was the fact that I was no longer in the Military and it was a novel thing to be able to relax and do a lot of nothing. Then there was the fact that that my shoulder hurt like hell all the time. I hadn't gotten in with pain management at that time and I was always in pain. Add in a good sized heaping mound of depression and is it any wonder I was a slug? As things started to get better I focused on school work and on rebuilding a social life. That kept me busy and not thinking about the fact that HRT was making me gain weight.
I still have shoulder pain, but between massage and pain clinic it doesn't bother me as much. Not nearly as depressed as I was and I am tired of being fat. I gained about 110 pounds thanks to lethargy, HRT, bad habits and metabolism slowdown. I am trying to fix this but it will undoubtedly take a while. Everyday I succeed at this plan is another day closer to weighing something sane.
My goal is to weigh between 155 and 160. I want to lose all that stupid weight I put on because I want to do more things and be healthy. This is going to be as rough as transition but in slightly different ways. Here's hoping it works.
And finally the chart for yesterday:
Thursday 27 Jan 2011
Start Weight: 260.8
Weigh in: 256.2 Total Loss: Wk +.2
Points allowed: 38 Mo 4.8
Extra Points: 29 Overall 12.8
Exercise Points: 0
Measurements:
Bust 55.5 Panties: 9
Waist 49.75 Pants: 26
Hips 53 Top: 20
Arms 14.5 Bra 46 D
Thigh 27.5
Breakfast: toast 1 point
Cheese 3 points
Tea 0 points
1 tsp honey 1 points
Total 5 points
Points Left: 33
Lunch: Mediterranean Rollini 9 points
Fruit 0 points
Salad 0 points
Hardboiled egg 2 points
¼ Cottage Cheese 3 points
Sunflower seeds (1 TBSP) 1 points
Balsamic Vinaigrette 2 points
Cindy’s salad 2 points
Total 19 points
Points Left: 14
Dinner: Steak 4 points
New Potatoes ½ cup 1 points
Roasted Veg 0 points
Olive Oil 2 points
Total 7 points
Points Left: 7
Snack: 1c Choc Milk 4 points
Total 4 points
Points Left: 3
Exercise: 30 min swimming, breaststroke 10 points
Total + 10 points
Daily Total: 3
Extra Points Carry over: 29
Exercise Points Carry over: 10
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motivation. Show all posts
Friday, January 28, 2011
Friday, July 9, 2010
Just how often do I need to hit restart?
Am I a terrible blogger or what?
Any way...
I am going to start this again. I think my Beloved is right in the recovery track. That might be the best way to face this and indeed the term Jihad does have its roots in fighting against ourselves to better connect to God/ Allah/ FSM/ whoever... The Greater Jihad is all about fighting against your urge to do the easy path, to not put in the work for something. And recovery is all about fighting inertia and doing the work. This isn't going to be easy but it will be worth it, if I can get off my fat ass and do it.
Biggest problem right now is that my ankle is screwed up to the point where walking is less than enjoyable, and that is for short trips like the bathroom. But there are things I can do, like crunches, stretches, working with weights and the like. It is at least a start on that front. Also diet is also something that can be addressed more and there I feel hampered by Katie and her extreme pickiness. We really need to get past her issues and cook for ourselves. When we have done that Katie has been fed as well, but we eat decent.
Weight Watchers was working, ish, but not well enough, as it was easy to skip things or loose track. I think it might be worth following up on but I don't know. I do know that we have to fairly radically change things if we want this to work.
Still no joy on the job front. I am finishing up my application for a job and if I got it, it would be great, but I am unsure as to what my options are. I need to actually get going on the publishing front, to try and sell my novel, because that would be good. I feel conflicted. The VA might be sending me back to school, which would be lovely, as that would mean money, but again, going back to school would be both fun and stressful.
Life is kind of like that... you know...
Any way...
I am going to start this again. I think my Beloved is right in the recovery track. That might be the best way to face this and indeed the term Jihad does have its roots in fighting against ourselves to better connect to God/ Allah/ FSM/ whoever... The Greater Jihad is all about fighting against your urge to do the easy path, to not put in the work for something. And recovery is all about fighting inertia and doing the work. This isn't going to be easy but it will be worth it, if I can get off my fat ass and do it.
Biggest problem right now is that my ankle is screwed up to the point where walking is less than enjoyable, and that is for short trips like the bathroom. But there are things I can do, like crunches, stretches, working with weights and the like. It is at least a start on that front. Also diet is also something that can be addressed more and there I feel hampered by Katie and her extreme pickiness. We really need to get past her issues and cook for ourselves. When we have done that Katie has been fed as well, but we eat decent.
Weight Watchers was working, ish, but not well enough, as it was easy to skip things or loose track. I think it might be worth following up on but I don't know. I do know that we have to fairly radically change things if we want this to work.
Still no joy on the job front. I am finishing up my application for a job and if I got it, it would be great, but I am unsure as to what my options are. I need to actually get going on the publishing front, to try and sell my novel, because that would be good. I feel conflicted. The VA might be sending me back to school, which would be lovely, as that would mean money, but again, going back to school would be both fun and stressful.
Life is kind of like that... you know...
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Restart
Well, vacation was survived and we did a lot of walking or swimming at Branson. We didn't eat out as often as I figured and our food was good. Now to dive back in a try to get this going. So, yet again there is another start date, Monday.
I am tired with all the restarting. I want to be able to do this and succeed, which would be a nice change of pace. I want more drive and more success. Here's hoping that yet another start can get things going.
Maybe I need a better plan about what sort of things to talk about in this... that can't hurt. Also I am going to put together an Excel spreadsheet to deal with this as well, probably add loads of information to see what comes out of loads of data. I figure that putting down how I feel, morning weight, migraines and the like with exercise, diet and meditation length can give me something to keep track of. It can't hurt.
Here's to moving forward again. So long as you can get back up and keep moving then you know you are still alive.
I am tired with all the restarting. I want to be able to do this and succeed, which would be a nice change of pace. I want more drive and more success. Here's hoping that yet another start can get things going.
Maybe I need a better plan about what sort of things to talk about in this... that can't hurt. Also I am going to put together an Excel spreadsheet to deal with this as well, probably add loads of information to see what comes out of loads of data. I figure that putting down how I feel, morning weight, migraines and the like with exercise, diet and meditation length can give me something to keep track of. It can't hurt.
Here's to moving forward again. So long as you can get back up and keep moving then you know you are still alive.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Irritation at my stagnation
So, what I am really irked at myself about is the exercise thing. I want to do it but I am very sedentary. I get stuck in this push and pull thing that basically keeps me motionless for the most part. That bugs me. The problem is that I have no idea how to overcome this inertia.
Part of the problem is that my metabolism slowed way down once I started HRT. That is not an excuse but rather a fact. Because of this metabolism issue I have gotten corpulent, clocking back in at 250. The issues with my shoulder are a huge reason why a lot of exercise goes awry. If I walk for a long time or run it aches. This is a big issue as it severely limits my ability to do anything.
I am not sure what to do here. I have been thinking of charting things like time exercising and steps taken and weight but again, I am not sure if it will work. I feel stuck in Neutral and I can't seem to get into Drive. Maybe the Universe needs to give me some sort of kick in the ass. Or maybe it is, who knows. Fact is, I know lots of stuff but don't really use it. That has to stop. I know what to do so I should just fucking do it.
Great now I'm a Nike add, next I suppose I will say something about Be all you can be. How very Army. That doesn't make it a lie but it is an annoying bit of propaganda.
I just gotta fucking move and attack this weight issue aggressively. How bad could it get?
Part of the problem is that my metabolism slowed way down once I started HRT. That is not an excuse but rather a fact. Because of this metabolism issue I have gotten corpulent, clocking back in at 250. The issues with my shoulder are a huge reason why a lot of exercise goes awry. If I walk for a long time or run it aches. This is a big issue as it severely limits my ability to do anything.
I am not sure what to do here. I have been thinking of charting things like time exercising and steps taken and weight but again, I am not sure if it will work. I feel stuck in Neutral and I can't seem to get into Drive. Maybe the Universe needs to give me some sort of kick in the ass. Or maybe it is, who knows. Fact is, I know lots of stuff but don't really use it. That has to stop. I know what to do so I should just fucking do it.
Great now I'm a Nike add, next I suppose I will say something about Be all you can be. How very Army. That doesn't make it a lie but it is an annoying bit of propaganda.
I just gotta fucking move and attack this weight issue aggressively. How bad could it get?
Friday, March 26, 2010
Le Whine
Well, this week has sucked royally. Between stress and migraines and other pain, I have exercised little and eaten more. There were several days of major stress eating. I am trying to be good but some days it isn't easy.
That is going to be the hardest part of this Jihad, the working through such things and staying on points. I know it won't be easy and I am kind of dreading my weigh in tomorrow, afraid I have gained back, but so it goes. That's life and there is not much you can do about it except pick your ass back up and keep on going. Quitting isn't really an option if you want to live. You gotta live life on your feet and moving forward.
Sounds easy but it is not as easy as most people think.
That is going to be the hardest part of this Jihad, the working through such things and staying on points. I know it won't be easy and I am kind of dreading my weigh in tomorrow, afraid I have gained back, but so it goes. That's life and there is not much you can do about it except pick your ass back up and keep on going. Quitting isn't really an option if you want to live. You gotta live life on your feet and moving forward.
Sounds easy but it is not as easy as most people think.
Monday, March 8, 2010
The Problem with Weight Loss
Okay, so what is going on with me and weight loss? I can’t seem to get motivated to begin and keep going. It isn’t like weight loss is all that mysterious or strange, eating better, healthier and exercising. This isn’t rocket science but I really don’t seem to driven to change. Why?
I figure part of the problem is my self-perception. For the longest time I hated myself and hated my body, thanks to the trans thing. I still have issues with my body, at least one part and that does keep some of those feelings lingering, like my body isn’t worth the effort to keep healthy and to lose weight. This is of course amazingly stupid but who ever said the psyche ever made any sense. It isn’t my body’s fault that I was born male nor is it my body’s fault that I am mentally female. Things just sort of worked out that way.
Honestly, I should take care of my body now that I am a good way down the path of transition. My body is starting to match myself finally and I shouldn’t let one small body part derail all the other good things have happened. Hopefully I can get past that as being healthy can make surgery easier on my body and will make healing from that easier.
As for exercise… well, I know lots of exercise knowledge. I have done lots of martial arts, PT in the Army and having been on a crosscountry team and a swim team. I know what to do and my body remembers doing those exercises, I just have to do them. Doing stretching, a little Yoga, basic calisthenics, and Tai Chi would be a good start along with walking. I want to get back to swimming as I enjoy it a great deal and it is a great full body exercise. As I lose weight, I can move into more vigorous exercise and martial arts. That will be nice as I really do miss doing more of that.
As for food… well, I like to eat. Food is a great goodness and my wife is a hell of a cook. I think my biggest issue there is the amount I eat. I do eat several portions at the same time, especially in things I like, which is honestly most things. Portion control is more of my issue than what I eat. I am not really a big dessert eater so that isn’t where I am getting the influx of calories. But eating a bit smarter might help with the weight loss thing as well, especially if I can actually eat more vegetables and fruits. Actually, I am certain I don’t eat enough fruit so that should probably change.
I am rather partial to the meditrasian diet, as a lot of my favorite foods come from those regions. Sticking with whole grain pasta and maybe more brown rice would help a bit more and I actually like both. Maybe trying some of the Asian noodle variations like buckwheat pasta and the like would be good as well. I don’t know. The wife and I need to talk about that. Eating more fish would be good as well and less red meat. I mean, sure, steak every once in a while, but I do like chicken and fish a lot, with some meals being basically vegetarian. Gotta try something at this point.
I am just hoping that I can actually keep focus in this. I know that most any food is okay in the right portions and such, but I am worried about sticking to that. I am hoping that this works out for a change and that I can actually get past this. I hate being this weight, but I guess it does serve me right. I was pretty smug about being thin when my mother and brother and sister were all obese. Now, both my brother and sister are lighter than me, which is freaky. I have no idea if my mother has lost any weight, but I kind of doubt it. So, if that is a part of this, guys I am sorry for feeling that way about you. It was unkind and uncalled for.
Well, I hope that things can start to change starting Wednesday. If we can get the damn shopping list together and such, maybe. I just am tired of being fat. Ever since I started HRT I have swelled nearly non-stop. This is just sad.
Any way… you have to start somewhere… right?
I figure part of the problem is my self-perception. For the longest time I hated myself and hated my body, thanks to the trans thing. I still have issues with my body, at least one part and that does keep some of those feelings lingering, like my body isn’t worth the effort to keep healthy and to lose weight. This is of course amazingly stupid but who ever said the psyche ever made any sense. It isn’t my body’s fault that I was born male nor is it my body’s fault that I am mentally female. Things just sort of worked out that way.
Honestly, I should take care of my body now that I am a good way down the path of transition. My body is starting to match myself finally and I shouldn’t let one small body part derail all the other good things have happened. Hopefully I can get past that as being healthy can make surgery easier on my body and will make healing from that easier.
As for exercise… well, I know lots of exercise knowledge. I have done lots of martial arts, PT in the Army and having been on a crosscountry team and a swim team. I know what to do and my body remembers doing those exercises, I just have to do them. Doing stretching, a little Yoga, basic calisthenics, and Tai Chi would be a good start along with walking. I want to get back to swimming as I enjoy it a great deal and it is a great full body exercise. As I lose weight, I can move into more vigorous exercise and martial arts. That will be nice as I really do miss doing more of that.
As for food… well, I like to eat. Food is a great goodness and my wife is a hell of a cook. I think my biggest issue there is the amount I eat. I do eat several portions at the same time, especially in things I like, which is honestly most things. Portion control is more of my issue than what I eat. I am not really a big dessert eater so that isn’t where I am getting the influx of calories. But eating a bit smarter might help with the weight loss thing as well, especially if I can actually eat more vegetables and fruits. Actually, I am certain I don’t eat enough fruit so that should probably change.
I am rather partial to the meditrasian diet, as a lot of my favorite foods come from those regions. Sticking with whole grain pasta and maybe more brown rice would help a bit more and I actually like both. Maybe trying some of the Asian noodle variations like buckwheat pasta and the like would be good as well. I don’t know. The wife and I need to talk about that. Eating more fish would be good as well and less red meat. I mean, sure, steak every once in a while, but I do like chicken and fish a lot, with some meals being basically vegetarian. Gotta try something at this point.
I am just hoping that I can actually keep focus in this. I know that most any food is okay in the right portions and such, but I am worried about sticking to that. I am hoping that this works out for a change and that I can actually get past this. I hate being this weight, but I guess it does serve me right. I was pretty smug about being thin when my mother and brother and sister were all obese. Now, both my brother and sister are lighter than me, which is freaky. I have no idea if my mother has lost any weight, but I kind of doubt it. So, if that is a part of this, guys I am sorry for feeling that way about you. It was unkind and uncalled for.
Well, I hope that things can start to change starting Wednesday. If we can get the damn shopping list together and such, maybe. I just am tired of being fat. Ever since I started HRT I have swelled nearly non-stop. This is just sad.
Any way… you have to start somewhere… right?
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Day 7 in review
Well, did a lot of house cleaning and the like. No editing as I am on a refill kick right now, putting other stories in and letting that help refuel my tank. When I can write again it will be nice.
I am hoping that I can get a job soon as the income would be lovely.
One of the things I know is holding me back is that even though I am upset over how my body looks, I am not really doing anything to change that. Getting motivated to do the exercises that I know will help is a pain in the ass and I really don't like it. I want to lose the weight but I can't seem to get my fat ass up and moving except on days where Jess-tossing is involved. This is really irritating me and I hope I can figure out a way around it.
Take care,
I am hoping that I can get a job soon as the income would be lovely.
One of the things I know is holding me back is that even though I am upset over how my body looks, I am not really doing anything to change that. Getting motivated to do the exercises that I know will help is a pain in the ass and I really don't like it. I want to lose the weight but I can't seem to get my fat ass up and moving except on days where Jess-tossing is involved. This is really irritating me and I hope I can figure out a way around it.
Take care,
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