Here is yesterday's chart. Today is not starting out well. I got up early to go do something and mad lunch for myself. It was a can of Chef Boyarde Beef Ravioli, 12 points. Since then I have been pretty sick. I am not a fan of that. I am overly cold and my stomach is really jumpy.
Yesterdays house cleaning was good. The living room and our bedroom look pretty good and have plenty of legroom in them, which is nice. Kicking things when walking is not optimal. It is definitely helping with the Feng Shui.
Moon wasn't too bad. Talked about the need to reflect and look forward, both as individuals and the group. I think there needs to be a change but I am not sure what. Too many of our rituals are cookie cutter and thus have less soul. I am not down with that. There is something I need that I am not completely getting and thus things need to change. Part of it, I think, is the fact that I haven't done a blessing way in a while. That might help. I also probably need to do more meditation.
I have some more job leads which I am going to send off. One is with the VA med center here in Murfreesboro and the other is in Nashville with the American Cancer society. Either would be nice, because I totally need a job. The no income thing has gotten old. We are surviving but that isn't the same as living.
I need to get my act together this week and send out to another agent. There are a lot out there and hopefully I will find one. Not having Transitioning Home sold makes me feel like I am in some literary limbo. That is not a good place to be. It is a good story but it needs to see the light of day. I guess persistence pays off as in everything.
Anyway... here is yesterday's chart.
Saturday 22 Jan 2011
Start Weight: 260.8
Weigh in: 256.4 Total Loss: Wk 4.4
Points allowed: 39 Mo 4.4
Extra Points: 37 Overall 4.4
Exercise Points: 11
Measurements:
Bust 55.5 Panties: 9
Waist 49.75 Pants: 26
Hips 53 Top: 20
Arms 14.5 Bra 46 D
Thigh 27.5
Breakfast: Chocolate Milk 4 points
Total 4 points
Points Left: 35
Lunch: Chicken 3 points
½ cup mashed potatoes 3 points
Total 6 points
Points Left: 29
Dinner: Cheeseburger 9 points
Fries 6 points
Total 15 points
Points Left: 14
Snack: PB&J 8 points
Milk 3 points
Total 11 points
Points Left: 3
Exercise: House Cleaning 1 points
Total + 1 points
Daily Total: 3
Extra Points Carry over: 39
Exercise Points Carry over: 1
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Showing posts with label faith. Show all posts
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Holiday Updates
I am really excited about the fact that my weigh in this morning was 259.4. I am stoked that I am no longer in the 260s. That sucked and now I am no longer there. In between working on my diet and stuff it seems to be working. That is pretty nice.
Job wise, I am still in Limbo with the IRS but I have heard that they just started talking to people, which is fucked up. I mean I applied in September. So I am still applying for things and I hope that I hear back from something.
Still no word from the person I sent the query letter to. I guess I should move on to someone else. Maybe I should just send stuff to publishers first? I am not sure. Since I don't know the business I figured that an Agent would be a first good step. Perhaps I should just go right to the publishers and see what happens from there? Who knows.
I realized the other day that I need to work more on my faith as I feel a bit cut adrift in things and that isn't a good thing. That might help with the sense of disquiet I feel.
So there you go, a quick update to see how I am and what is going on.
Job wise, I am still in Limbo with the IRS but I have heard that they just started talking to people, which is fucked up. I mean I applied in September. So I am still applying for things and I hope that I hear back from something.
Still no word from the person I sent the query letter to. I guess I should move on to someone else. Maybe I should just send stuff to publishers first? I am not sure. Since I don't know the business I figured that an Agent would be a first good step. Perhaps I should just go right to the publishers and see what happens from there? Who knows.
I realized the other day that I need to work more on my faith as I feel a bit cut adrift in things and that isn't a good thing. That might help with the sense of disquiet I feel.
So there you go, a quick update to see how I am and what is going on.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Life is continuing on it's crazy way. So nothing new there.
I had the most useless KT appointment ever where the woman simply told me things I already knew and didn't give me any advice on how to modify exercises to compensate for my bad shoulder. Cindy and I are heading off to the Y to get back into the place and work on going there everyday for a workout. That will doubtless help and I am looking forward to swimming and the hot tub. Like for real.
My ankle still hurts but now we know that it has some sort of soft tissue damage to it. Apparently the fact that I have rested it, iced it, etc... does not matter, as that was the advice given to me by the nurse. I need an actual solution to this problem and not just telling me things I already know.
In terms of work, I sent in a query letter to a literary agency. Here's hoping that they are interested in Transitioning Home and decide that they can sell it. I would appreciate that a good deal, as income is sexy. Besides, I want to start on the whole making money from my writing thing and have that as my primary form of employment. So I at least took a first step.
Spiritually I am in a kind of ambivalent place. I am feeling a really interesting tug of war internally between utterly embracing what my spirit is doing on one hand and sort of remaining in this world on the other. I am wanting a place of balance between them but that is getting harder to find. Maslow's Hierarchy of needs is pretty accurate since I am so worried about mundane stuff that my faith is in fifth place or further back. So that is definitely going to take some work as situations permit.
So, there you go.
I had the most useless KT appointment ever where the woman simply told me things I already knew and didn't give me any advice on how to modify exercises to compensate for my bad shoulder. Cindy and I are heading off to the Y to get back into the place and work on going there everyday for a workout. That will doubtless help and I am looking forward to swimming and the hot tub. Like for real.
My ankle still hurts but now we know that it has some sort of soft tissue damage to it. Apparently the fact that I have rested it, iced it, etc... does not matter, as that was the advice given to me by the nurse. I need an actual solution to this problem and not just telling me things I already know.
In terms of work, I sent in a query letter to a literary agency. Here's hoping that they are interested in Transitioning Home and decide that they can sell it. I would appreciate that a good deal, as income is sexy. Besides, I want to start on the whole making money from my writing thing and have that as my primary form of employment. So I at least took a first step.
Spiritually I am in a kind of ambivalent place. I am feeling a really interesting tug of war internally between utterly embracing what my spirit is doing on one hand and sort of remaining in this world on the other. I am wanting a place of balance between them but that is getting harder to find. Maslow's Hierarchy of needs is pretty accurate since I am so worried about mundane stuff that my faith is in fifth place or further back. So that is definitely going to take some work as situations permit.
So, there you go.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Update and musing on Portion Porblems
Well, Whedonfest is over and now time to get back into the serious work of trying to fix issues in my life.
Lets see... the Job fair gave me some interesting options as well as show me a MA program that sounds interesting and a good use of my skills. So there is some hope on the job front.
Ankle still hurts, so a lot of good exercise options are out. I need to get that looked at but the MRI isn't until 21 Aug and that means it isn't until probably September that something will be done about that. Totally fucking sucks. Maybe I just need to ignore the VA and treat this myself? It is worth considering.
My faith is going well, but I really should meditate more. I feel better after doing it so there really isn't a reason that I am not meditating except for the fact that my depression is making me want to hide from the world rather than deal with it. Gotta get over that crap.
House is semi trashed, but duh... Whedonfest. It did really well this year, but we do need to catch up on making the home environment serene...
So there you have that update. Now onto the other stuff.
Okay, so I am at 261 right now and that is disturbing. I hate this craziness that’s going on with my weight. It is really bothering me, especially because it isn’t like I eat badly. I like vegetables and salads, and all sorts of good for you food. Hell eating just chicken or fish would not be a huge hardship. The problem for me seems to be portion control. I don’t eat a lot of deserts or empty calories but I eat a lot of normal food.
I like food and truly enjoy eating excellent food. I am not sure as to why I seem to be more focused on eating larger amounts of food than I should but I need it to stop. I suppose I should get to weighing and measuring all of my food, so I only eat single portions and the like, but I am worried that I will fail. I guess that is a common worry for most anyone doing any weight loss plan. I just don’t seem to have a good idea in my head as to what exactly good portion sizes are. I know the pack of cards and those other measures but in a lot of ways that doesn’t really seem to help me. I guess I need to hunt that all down again and start seriously following it.
The other issue tied into this is that I seem to be the one in my family that ‘finishes’ food, thus getting extra. I have a difficult time turning down food or not completing my meals. Part of it has to do with the fact that my mother constantly talked about eating her monies worth. Paying for food and then not eating ALL of it really bugged her. She talked about that wasting money, which it is, but the message I took was not avoid over ordering but rather eat everything and then some, so there is a good value for your money spent.
Growing up, my mom loved taking my brother Brian and my best friend Tony out to all you could eat places. The joke about ‘You here four hour. You scare my wife.’ seemed to be very true in relation to our meals. Granted teenaged boys really burn calories but my mom did get a smug satisfaction when we would go someplace like Chesapeake Seafood House and eat all their food. The place stopped having an all you can eat night after we went there for the third time and ate for something like two + hours. It was obscene. But my mom considered it a great value.
I love getting the all you can eat sushi at Cathay and Cindy and I actually sit back and calculate the value of what I have eaten versus the value of what we paid. My personal best was a little over 60 dollars of sushi for 14 dollars. That is a lot of sushi. Now I don’t feel so bad about that, as sushi is not really that bad for you and that much sushi didn’t blow my weight watchers points for the day. But it does let me know that I have developed a similar mindset.
I have been proud lately of actually eating my meal and leaving food, especially eating out. Part of that is the ever increasing size of portions and the other bit is that I recognize that I DO NOT need to eat everything on my plate, that getting full is a great stopping point. I don’t like feeling bloated and way over fed. I get really food coma-ish and that is not comfortable.
Places I really enjoy the all you can eat thing and it not be a problem is at Ruby Tuesday. I can eat huge amounts of salad and be fine. The only bad things I eat there are the cottage cheese and maybe pickled beets. I really don’t put too much extra cheese on the salads as well. So that is not too bad, but otherwise, I really do eat a hell of a lot, volume wise. I need to eat less volume and I am sure that alone will have a major impact on my weight. Maybe even reducing the bad cards and sticking with the complex carbs the body needs. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like nothing but a hog, stuffing itself for market and that isn’t good for anyone.
I hate this shit.
So I am going to try and reduce my portion sizes. That will hopefully help. Add in eating better and that can hopefully really help my weight. I have a lot of hopefuls here and those are never guarantees, but you gotta try. I don’t want gastric bypass, but if I can’t do this and I keep gaining then it might be the only decent option I have available. Man that sucks. Effort first then surgery… The fact that I am even considering it distresses me but I am aware that I don’t want to heat into the upper twos or the threes and low fours that Brian got to. What a crap time to realize that HRT probably shifted my metabolism closer to my mom, sisters and brothers. So it goes.
Any way, here’s hoping that I can make this work.
Lets see... the Job fair gave me some interesting options as well as show me a MA program that sounds interesting and a good use of my skills. So there is some hope on the job front.
Ankle still hurts, so a lot of good exercise options are out. I need to get that looked at but the MRI isn't until 21 Aug and that means it isn't until probably September that something will be done about that. Totally fucking sucks. Maybe I just need to ignore the VA and treat this myself? It is worth considering.
My faith is going well, but I really should meditate more. I feel better after doing it so there really isn't a reason that I am not meditating except for the fact that my depression is making me want to hide from the world rather than deal with it. Gotta get over that crap.
House is semi trashed, but duh... Whedonfest. It did really well this year, but we do need to catch up on making the home environment serene...
So there you have that update. Now onto the other stuff.
Okay, so I am at 261 right now and that is disturbing. I hate this craziness that’s going on with my weight. It is really bothering me, especially because it isn’t like I eat badly. I like vegetables and salads, and all sorts of good for you food. Hell eating just chicken or fish would not be a huge hardship. The problem for me seems to be portion control. I don’t eat a lot of deserts or empty calories but I eat a lot of normal food.
I like food and truly enjoy eating excellent food. I am not sure as to why I seem to be more focused on eating larger amounts of food than I should but I need it to stop. I suppose I should get to weighing and measuring all of my food, so I only eat single portions and the like, but I am worried that I will fail. I guess that is a common worry for most anyone doing any weight loss plan. I just don’t seem to have a good idea in my head as to what exactly good portion sizes are. I know the pack of cards and those other measures but in a lot of ways that doesn’t really seem to help me. I guess I need to hunt that all down again and start seriously following it.
The other issue tied into this is that I seem to be the one in my family that ‘finishes’ food, thus getting extra. I have a difficult time turning down food or not completing my meals. Part of it has to do with the fact that my mother constantly talked about eating her monies worth. Paying for food and then not eating ALL of it really bugged her. She talked about that wasting money, which it is, but the message I took was not avoid over ordering but rather eat everything and then some, so there is a good value for your money spent.
Growing up, my mom loved taking my brother Brian and my best friend Tony out to all you could eat places. The joke about ‘You here four hour. You scare my wife.’ seemed to be very true in relation to our meals. Granted teenaged boys really burn calories but my mom did get a smug satisfaction when we would go someplace like Chesapeake Seafood House and eat all their food. The place stopped having an all you can eat night after we went there for the third time and ate for something like two + hours. It was obscene. But my mom considered it a great value.
I love getting the all you can eat sushi at Cathay and Cindy and I actually sit back and calculate the value of what I have eaten versus the value of what we paid. My personal best was a little over 60 dollars of sushi for 14 dollars. That is a lot of sushi. Now I don’t feel so bad about that, as sushi is not really that bad for you and that much sushi didn’t blow my weight watchers points for the day. But it does let me know that I have developed a similar mindset.
I have been proud lately of actually eating my meal and leaving food, especially eating out. Part of that is the ever increasing size of portions and the other bit is that I recognize that I DO NOT need to eat everything on my plate, that getting full is a great stopping point. I don’t like feeling bloated and way over fed. I get really food coma-ish and that is not comfortable.
Places I really enjoy the all you can eat thing and it not be a problem is at Ruby Tuesday. I can eat huge amounts of salad and be fine. The only bad things I eat there are the cottage cheese and maybe pickled beets. I really don’t put too much extra cheese on the salads as well. So that is not too bad, but otherwise, I really do eat a hell of a lot, volume wise. I need to eat less volume and I am sure that alone will have a major impact on my weight. Maybe even reducing the bad cards and sticking with the complex carbs the body needs. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like nothing but a hog, stuffing itself for market and that isn’t good for anyone.
I hate this shit.
So I am going to try and reduce my portion sizes. That will hopefully help. Add in eating better and that can hopefully really help my weight. I have a lot of hopefuls here and those are never guarantees, but you gotta try. I don’t want gastric bypass, but if I can’t do this and I keep gaining then it might be the only decent option I have available. Man that sucks. Effort first then surgery… The fact that I am even considering it distresses me but I am aware that I don’t want to heat into the upper twos or the threes and low fours that Brian got to. What a crap time to realize that HRT probably shifted my metabolism closer to my mom, sisters and brothers. So it goes.
Any way, here’s hoping that I can make this work.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Dishpan hands and folders elbow
I have done a lot of housework today, mostly in the realms of laundry (washing, drying,folding and putting away) as well as dishes, including some of the hand washing. I am still not a fan of chores and would far rather do anything but them, but since I am the nearest thing to healthy that is here, it all falls to me. Kind of sucks.
I really am not a big fan of household chores. There are thousand of things I would rather do than those damn chores that never end. It just bugs me as there is no hope. I did them yesterday, I did them today and I will do them tomorrow. Unless I got wealthy enough to hire a maid full time, those tasks have to be done and often by me. Sometimes the tedium of daily life just gets to me.
I know it is part of the code of Sangha to get past these things and find joy and contentment in these tasks, as you are doing something for others, but that still doesn't take care of the fact that I really don't like doing these things. But then again... it is all chop wood, carry water after all.
Man there is no winning sometimes. Sheesh.
I really am not a big fan of household chores. There are thousand of things I would rather do than those damn chores that never end. It just bugs me as there is no hope. I did them yesterday, I did them today and I will do them tomorrow. Unless I got wealthy enough to hire a maid full time, those tasks have to be done and often by me. Sometimes the tedium of daily life just gets to me.
I know it is part of the code of Sangha to get past these things and find joy and contentment in these tasks, as you are doing something for others, but that still doesn't take care of the fact that I really don't like doing these things. But then again... it is all chop wood, carry water after all.
Man there is no winning sometimes. Sheesh.
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