The Beginning or why am I doing this

So here I am, stuck in a rut and I need some sort of way out. What I am stuck in is an internal landscape that basically makes me lazy and I have no real urge to do anything. Therefore, what I am proposing to myself is a Jihad.

Now, thanks to countless hours of CNN and other news sources, people know that a Jihad is a Holy War, where the believers kill the infidels. What they don’t say is that particular type of Jihad is a lesser Jihad and actually something that should only be done as a last resort. So it goes. The Greater Jihad is to submit yourself to the will of Allah, which is not easy as human beings are a bit… well… special in so many wonderful ways.

However, I am not a Muslim, but the idea behind the Greater Jihad, of submitting yourself to the will of something greater than yourself is noble. To that end, since my life is a touch screwed up, I figure I can try to use something along these lines to drive me forward. Therefore, what I need is a framework to keep track of progress.

The thing is, there isn’t a simple framework like a book of recipes or what not to work through step by step. What I could do is to go through some Buddhist texts, pull some stuff out, and see how that works. The problem there is I am not just a regular Buddhist, I am also a Taoist with very Pagan leanings. Therefore, I have a combination of things I hope to do from different areas of practice. I also have a list of 108 things I wanted to do in 1008 days. That list can help, but only so far.

Buddha says, “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world.”

That is the core of my Jihad: To change how I think and live so that I can change the world.

So, what is a poor, screwed up, overweight, disabled, transgendered girl supposed to do? Well, I have a few ideas. The Eightfold Path has some good stuff and what I am planning on is to use the Eightfold Path and various Taoist and Pagan ideas to reshape my world into what I want it to be rather than what it is.

Things that have to change:

My weight: I am 260 and have terrible eating habits. My family has a history of Diabetes and Heart Disease, so that is problematic. I want to get to 150.

My health: I have a few issues to work through, such as kidney stones, migraines, a sleep disorder, depression, and most importantly, a messed up shoulder.

My job: I am unemployed and if it weren’t for my VA disability my family and I would really be suffering. I want to be a novelist but I am really afraid of being rejected.

My spiritual life: I wanted to join a PhD program at Vanderbilt University in the hopes of studying my way to a better sense of my faith.

My self-perception: I have trouble dealing with myself sometimes. There are things that go on in my head and desires I have that cause me some grief.

My brain: I am not really doing much in the way of thinking lately and that just has to change. I need to use that lump of grey matter for something.

My environment: I am not saying I live in the Pit of Despair or something, but I can do more to make my home more balanced and to lower our carbon footprint.

So I am going to do things like meditation, Tai Chi, Yoga, other forms of exercise, change my diet, fix several bad habits, work on my sellable stories, get an Agent, etc… . Basically, I’m going to go through various techniques to help me get things straightened out in my life. Once I am done with that then maybe, I can help the world.

Basic first tier goals:

Meditate 45+ minutes a day
Exercise 1 hour a day
Send out Agent letters
Edit Novels/ Write
Get to 234 (down 10%)
Keep house clean
Study
Do something other than read or write
Write Daily over what I have done

So those are the initial goals for this Jihad. The Goals will change as I move closer to the end, as the Greater Jihad is something that takes more than your whole life to complete. But I have things to shoot for and I have things to do and this can be a good start. Writing this might just give me more motivation than I have had before when trying these things.

Well, I guess that’s it. Here we go.